Daily Show correspondent Michael Che tries to find a safe place to report from.
Fucking kids care more about each other than we do
I was gone from school for two weeks after being in an accident and when i came back to school literally no one gave a fuck. I wish we can all go back to our 4 year old selves because growing up teaches us how to hate and be self centered.
Fun shark attack facts:
- In 1996, toilets injured 43,000 Americans a year. Sharks injured 13.
- In 1996, 2,600 Americans were injured by room fresheners. Sharks injured 13.
- In 1996, buckets and pails injured almost 11,000 Americans. Sharks injured 13.
- For every human killed by a shark, humans kill approximately two million sharks.
- Humans are assholes.
- Sharks are not assholes.
- Apparently everyone in 1996 lived in a real-life infomercial.
Heading to Space
So apparently iCloud was hacked and pretty much every female celebrity’s nudes were leaked. I’d like to remind my followers not to post them, because they’re supposed to be private, and just because some asshole leaked them doesn’t mean you should make it worse by spreading them around.